Mire

An ache so deep it cuts
Like the proverbial
Knife through warmed butter.
How did it come to this?
What brought it on
So fast, like a shark
Scenting blood. It
Eats away inside.

I pray for comfort,
And ask others to
Also. I turn from
Things unhealthy, yet
Yearn to eradicate this ache
In the way that I know.
I can't.

God in Heaven, Hear my prayer. Heal my friend. Heal my heart.

As I wait...I dream
Of laughter and tears
But not sad ones. Happy
Tears that attest to the joy
Your smile brings.

Of fun and excitement!
Of the simply pleasure that
A walk brings...no matter the
Temperature of the wind
That threatens pneumonia.

Of friends that we share
Our souls with. With whom we are simply
us.

You listen to a part of me
The part that stays in shadow.
It writhes as the light
Of your love touches it.

As it slowly shrinks
Into a piece of chaff,
A mix of God's love
And Your's blows it away.

What could I have done
To receive all that He gives?

As a warm wind of a clear day, your love makes me smile.

Search

The softest touch that struck
My soul down to the core.
It went farther than any other
Ever will. It was done right.

While waiting for you to come
I wasted so long.
While hoping to find a scrap
A whole dinner was in front of me.

Who is this man that he would
Care for me?
Who am I to deserve it?

Opposite.
I feel torn.
Two men whom I love.
They show their affection so differently.

One simply tells me.
He is my brother.
I must love him, because
It is required of me.
I want to love him, but
Why does he make it so difficult?

Another does not say it,
At least in the conventional way.
He shows me in the tone of his voice,
And in the touch of his hand. The
Twinkle of his eye.
The sadness in his soul at the
Breaking of my own heart.

Tonight I feel many things,
So many I cannot contain them.
A simple, single post could not
Do all of them justice, and
Yet this is my diary.

Two men, two loves.
I love them both, and
Care deeply for them.
Why do I only want to express
To the one?

How much a heart can take

It's a curious thing...this emotional center that we call the heart. We break it....mend it....give it away....have it stolen. But what a truly strong thing it is. The bonds of love, especially those within a family, cannot be broken. No matter how much someone hurts us...we always find a way to forgive them. My heart was broken once again tonight...by someone soooo close. He's in my family, and I love him dearly. That does not mean that I always have to like him....thankfully. How much more am I expected to take?

Self-control

What is self-control? Is it simply being able to control our actions? I don't think so. It has more to do with a particular mindset. A mindset that says "I know what I am able to handle, and I am going to make sure that I stay far away from that line." I wonder what boundaries we don't listen to? Which ones we push...and don't even realize it. For some of us it may be just looking through a magazine and seeing a picture. Then we need to avoid looking through that magazine so we can keep ourselves pure. Always know what boundaries you need, and stick to them. Don't feel stupid, or weak, or anything else. Keep them up.