Tuesday

It's a Tuesday, and that means a long day. I managed to set up my classes to provide optimal motivation for suicide. Not really, but I have 5 classes in a row, and that means exhaustion. It's ok, thought, cause I'm on my break, and that means caffeine and food. The worst classes are done, and I get dinner tonight with friends. Life has been busy lately, with a lot of changes, but thankfully I'm dealing well. Adieu!

Title? Why is a title required?

I heard that blogging was enjoyable. I always thought it was more like a status update that was too long, or something of that sort. Or blogging about your political views, or how to save the world, or something of a less grandeur nature. I certainly never imagined that I'd attempt to convey my thoughts on a computer screen for the world to see. Perhaps I could pick a topic each week, or simply rant and rave and pretend that you, my reader, actually care. As much as I hate to burst your little bubble, I have not written this for your benefit. I wrote it for my own. Everyone knows that females multitask, and I am worse than most. However, when I write, my brain quiets down, and things become still, and nothing matters but how to spell the word, and how to ensure my fingers don't fall off from typing too much. Given the past 5 years, and all the drama therein, it's a mercy I haven't lost my mind. We'll assume providence takes all of the credit.

In case you haven't noticed already, I tend towards humor to express myself. I like irony and sarcasm. I despise thinking of a witty comeback at 3 am when I should be asleep (kind of like now). Bon nuit!

New Light

Perhaps this life of ups and downs
Could be more than what I've done.
I empty myself onto others.
Do I wait to be filled again?

I know I am loved above all else
By a God who chose me.
Daily I walk by Him, waiting
For His touch in my mind.

New light. This Day.
New Hope. Eternal.

Bring me from this lowly place
To a place where I can serve.
Show me a need, give me a chance.
I'm waiting to help when life throws a curve.

Pictures

Picture perfect women, splashed across the screen.
What makes them so much more than me?
The plastic smiles are more enticing then the
Smile I smile to see your face. You say it's not
That I'm not enough, but why then do you leave
Me alone to go to them. Your word doesn't count
When your actions tell the truth. You care more
For them.

Shine

Half a heart seeking the whole.
Born to love, taught to fear.
My time to shine shall never
Come. One long wait in eternal Night.
Who was sent to receive my
Devotion? My eyes are dry from long years
Of mourning. When is my time to
Draw near to Him who is my other
Half.

Writing

I once wrote to release the pain
from a thousand thoughts beating the brain
that God gave me to use to figure out
just what I'm supposed to do.

Then one day, it got so bad, I
didn't want to know what I
was going through. Blindly
moving through time.

Each new day thoughts cross
my mind and I wonder if they
mean anything at all. Knowing
how to live ain't easy. Not knowing should be a crime.

So now when my life is turning around again,
I hope to use this medium.
I don't expect you to know what I say
just know that where it comes from is real

I don't want for you to know
the pain that I've gone through.
I just want you to know, how much
more you can put me through.

Step aside, stand aside,
don't make me blind.
I know my own mind, I don't need you now.
You have no hold over me.

In all the craziness I look for peace. Is that so hard to understand?
This is college! I'm not supposed to be well rested all the time. I
Am supposed to be working hard to further my mind. Don't waste my time
Telling me how cruddy I look. I am well aware of my own failure. Why
Pour salt and vinegar on my open wounds?